Wednesday, December 15, 2004

A Holiday Warning

How well do you know your shopping mall Santa?

Before you put your child in the clutches of some festively costumed weirdo, you should sit on his lap first, and put him through the first degree:

1. Get a good look at his face, gently tug his beard, if fake.
5. Check Molester Hotline, if he looks vaguely familiar.
2. Ask if he's seen "Bad Santa" or "Powder."
4. Does he think Michael Jackson is getting a raw deal?
5. Check the Molester Hotline, if he answers yes to #4.
6. Ask him if he's wearing a costume, uniform or disguise.
7. Does he believe elves are fairies?
8. Smell his breath for booze.
9. Smell his breath for kids.
10. Tug his beard hard, if #9 is positive.
Seasons' Greetings from Saddam Claus (or is it Santa Hussein?)

[Via All The Grey In Between]

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