Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Politics can be a real drag

With the ongoing campaign and upcoming debates, the candidates find themselves under considerable stress. Kapowie Zone offers a few tips to make the political experience a pleasant one.

Health Tips for President George W. Bush:

Bad breath is a sure-fire way to send potential voters scrambling for the exits. Chances are, that yummy chicken you enjoyed at lunch is still hanging around in your mouth, which can cause less-than-pleasant-smelling bacteria to form, especially on your tongue. One bad-breath weapon of choice is a tongue scraper, which some say resembles a military intelligence torture implement but is actually a disposable U-shaped plastic tool with tiny ridges on one side. It's very easy to use, and it will help clear away any leftover food and odor-causing bacteria that have settled on your tongue.
Fashion Tips for Senator John Kerry:
High collars shortens necks. Shoes with straps shortens your legs. The torso can be shortened or narrowed with seam lines, belts, bows, and collars. Knitted texture, lace, floras, prints, and plaids can assist in creating an illusion. An all over print can camouflage figure problems, but prints here and there can create a fuller you. Prints around the neck and over the shoulder can make your shoulders appear wider. When buying pants be sure they fit well.

Fashion Tips for Vice-President Dick Cheney:
Thinner fabrics are more slimming. Tops and bottoms of one color will make you look thinner. Wear clothes that fit. Wearing too large clothes will exaggerate your figure not hide it. Avoid belts until you have a slim waist again. Use accessories carefully.
Cosmetic Tips for Senator John Edwards:
Want your face to radiate a healthy glow? Try using a gel blush or cream (instead of powder) in a rosy shade of pink to create a more natural look. Gels or creams are more transparent and blend smoothly – rub it on the apples of your cheek and blend up towards the eye for a glowing complexion.
[Photos sent by George of Culver City]

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