When a debate was a debate

[Copyright © 1958-2004 USPS.]

The modern version of the political debate has changed the traditional debate in the same way that the modern political convention has forever changed the traditional political convention. In both cases, it's not so much a triumph of style over substance as it is the triumph of fear over courage. Neither candidate, especially an incumbent, wants to risk floundering, appearing unknowledgeable or just plain inept with off-the-cuff responses. Some of the politicos' concerns are understandable, but what a loss for the voter. It's a shame that presidential debates weren't incorporated into the U.S. Constitution - then again our Founding Fathers were politicians.

The last great debates were probably the 7 Lincoln-Douglas Senatorial Debates of 1958, at the very least they set the standard, which no one has reached since.

The History of Lincoln Douglas Debate

In 1858, Senator Stephen A. Douglas, an Illinois Democrat, faced a reelection bid. The Republican Party in Illinois nominated Abraham Lincoln to oppose him in the race for United States Senate. When Lincoln challenged Douglas to a series of debates of the issue of slavery in the territories (at that time, many of the western states were still territories,) Douglas accepted and named seven cities in Illinois to hold the debates.

While both Lincoln and Douglas were opposed to slavery, only Lincoln actively opposed the practice on moral grounds. Douglas argued that the issue of slavery would die down and eventually go away. Lincoln firmly believed that slavery was morally reprehensible and should be actively barred from the territories, although he did not advocate abolishing slavery in the southern states at this point.

Although Douglas won the seat in the U.S. Senate, Abraham Lincoln gained a place in the national spotlight that would later help him win the presidency of the United States. His stirring speeches against slavery during the Lincoln Douglas debates achieved national recognition and serve as an inspiration to the statesmen and debaters of today.

[© 2000 National Christian Forensics and Communications Association]

Click to read more about the Lincoln Douglas Debate, from a high school history student's perspective.

The Lincoln-Douglas Debates of 1858 is an excellent site, with most of the seven debates available for reading, courtesy of the newspapers of the day.

Politics can be a real drag

With the ongoing campaign and upcoming debates, the candidates find themselves under considerable stress. Kapowie Zone offers a few tips to make the political experience a pleasant one.

Health Tips for President George W. Bush:

Bad breath is a sure-fire way to send potential voters scrambling for the exits. Chances are, that yummy chicken you enjoyed at lunch is still hanging around in your mouth, which can cause less-than-pleasant-smelling bacteria to form, especially on your tongue. One bad-breath weapon of choice is a tongue scraper, which some say resembles a military intelligence torture implement but is actually a disposable U-shaped plastic tool with tiny ridges on one side. It's very easy to use, and it will help clear away any leftover food and odor-causing bacteria that have settled on your tongue.

Fashion Tips for Senator John Kerry:

High collars shortens necks. Shoes with straps shortens your legs. The torso can be shortened or narrowed with seam lines, belts, bows, and collars. Knitted texture, lace, floras, prints, and plaids can assist in creating an illusion. An all over print can camouflage figure problems, but prints here and there can create a fuller you. Prints around the neck and over the shoulder can make your shoulders appear wider. When buying pants be sure they fit well.

Fashion Tips for Vice-President Dick Cheney:

Thinner fabrics are more slimming. Tops and bottoms of one color will make you look thinner. Wear clothes that fit. Wearing too large clothes will exaggerate your figure not hide it. Avoid belts until you have a slim waist again. Use accessories carefully.

Cosmetic Tips for Senator John Edwards:

Want your face to radiate a healthy glow? Try using a gel blush or cream (instead of powder) in a rosy shade of pink to create a more natural look. Gels or creams are more transparent and blend smoothly – rub it on the apples of your cheek and blend up towards the eye for a glowing complexion.

[Photos sent by George of Culver City]

The Sopranskis

[Photo: © anomalies-unlimited]

The Russian mafia does billions of dollars in business every year. It's deceased members deserve nothing but the best - in grave markers.

As a typical statistic, there were 1,145 Mafia related murders in one 10-month period. Most of the men killed are under the age of 35. It's OK though - when you die you can still be tough, cool and suave.

The cemeteries in which the gangs bury their fallen comrades are home to life-size, black marble monoliths for grave markers. The deceased is rendered in perfect photographic detail and can be featured in a variety of casual attire modeled after American "heros" such as Al Capone, Marlon Brando and James Dean. Leather jackets, Hawaiian shirts, Docker pants and Adidas sportswear, the standard garb of the Russian Mafia, are beautifully added if so desired.

Read the full story at Anomalies Unlimited.

Mobsters have always copied the movie or TV gangsters. It's easy to see that these Russian mafiosi were fans of The Sopranos from the way they're dressed and attitudes on their portraits, but these elaborate grave stones are uniquely the Russian mafia's own invention.

[Via Anomalies Unlimited]

King of Kiddie Records

"The Funniest Song in the World?" That's a pretty brazen title, but it is Groucho, after all, making the claim.

The Kiddie Record King

Peter Muldavin is happy to share the images and audio excerpts from some of his favorite 78 rpm kiddie records. He truly is the King of Kiddie Records, with over 12,000 vintage kiddie records in his collection. Also, if the copyright permits, he will make custom CDs of some of your favorite childhood songs. With a collection that large, you can bet he'll have the most obscure songs of children's music.


Gossamer Wump? Must be a long lost cousin of Forrest Gump.


This Bozo looks like he's about to bomb Europe's "coalition of the unwilling."


It's heartening to see that even hydrocephalic kids have a chance in the music business.

Check out the Kiddie Record King web site.

[© 1997-2004 The Kiddie Record King]

A pretty woman... many pretty women...

A Pretty Woman

In the late 1980's when Russia opened its borders to the rest of the world our first associate in Moscow realized the need and desire that the women of her country, would have, to meet men from around the world. It turned out that her insight became the birth of a new chapter in Russian history, as girls from the Soviet Union and men from all corners of the world flocked together, to meet and marry each other and find unique experiences in the other's way of life and culture.

The image above is from the A Pretty Woman web site. Each of those 1080 numbers represents a page with 6 women - their photo, description and contact numbers - which means that there are some 6480 "sincere, beautiful and sexy Russian women and Ukrainian girls for love, romance and marriage" on that site waiting for someone special like you to click on a page. And this is just one company! There are literally hundreds of mail order bride companies just like this on the Net.

Meet some of the ladies:


(left to right: Svetlana, Svetlana and Svetlana.)

Thank you President Reagan for freeing up the vast Svetlana resources of the Soviet Union for the west.

[Copyright © A Pretty Woman 1997-2004.]

The computer behind the memo?

Scientists from the RAND Corporation have created this model to illustrate how a "home computer" could look like in the year 2004. However the needed technology will not be economically feasible for the average home. Also the scientists readily admit that the computer will require not yet invented technology to actually work, but 50 years from now scientific progress is expected to solve these problems. With teletype interface and the Fortran language, the computer will be easy to use...

Could this be the kind of computer used to write that recent, infamous memo regarding George Bush's National Guard duty?

Sorry CBS, no proof here. Why? Check out the maneuvering mechanism - that's a US Navy-issued submarine steering wheel.

Or maybe the National Guard memo was written on this personal computer (with Windows 59):


[Via quonsar at MetaFilter]

Let the truth be revealed: The "RAND home computer" image is from a FARK.com contest, submitted by Smilin Jay Andrews of Olympia, WA. He got my vote! Check out the other submissions on the FARK thread. You'll see even wilder versions.

Read this excellent overview of the real history of the computer.

The Chosen Cartoon

I found this comic strip about a robot and his Jewish owner by accident while surfing the Net. It's very funny and highly entertaining, then again, I'm a Judeophile who loves everything about Jewish culture, especially its food, women and sense of humor.

ShaBot 6000 is the continuing cartoon saga of a pious Jew who purchases a robot to work as Shabbos Goy for his household. The inquisitive robot, ShaBot, decides that he is Jewish, and is therefore unable to fulfill his duties as servant. ShaBot spends his days asking questions about Judaism, trying to find logic in a religion that sometimes DOES NOT COMPUTE.

ShaBot 6000 is also educational. The cartoonist Ben Baruch explains the finer points of Judaism below the strip, when necessary, for the goyim and others who don't understand the jokes. Here are a few samples, including explanations:

Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year. The shofar is a ram's horn, blown during the Rosh Hashanah services.

Bar Mitzvah: a Jewish boy who reaches his 13th birthday and attains the age of religious duty and responsibility.

No explanation needed here.

Check out the ShaBot 6000 at his site already.

[Images and text quotes: Copyright ©2004 Ben Baruch]

Take a tip from Arnold

THE NEW 2004 CALIFORNIA STATE EMPLOYEE
GIRLY-MAN HANDBOOK
by Arnold Schwarzenegger
SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

LUNCH BREAK: Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get balanced meal to maintain their average figure Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast.

DRESS CODE: It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do
not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3 minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under "Chronic Offenders."

Thank you for your loyalty to our great state. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.

THE GOVERNATER

More manly tips from Arnold:


Be sure to work out everyday. "I am coming day and night! I'm in heaven!" Arnold stated in an interview, equating weight training to having multiple orgasms.


Don't stress out. After a rough workout session, Arnold enjoys soaking in a manly bubble bath.

[Thanks for the inspiration to Maureen of N. California and Karen of Venice.]

Incredible Hülk

The work of German cartoonist Wolfgang Hülk can be both strange and cute at the same time. His soft colors and intelligent design often hide a subtext that can only be described as bizarre and off-the-wall. His cartoons speak for themselves, in volumes.




View the rest of Hülk's wonderful work at his web site.

[Via The Cartoonist]

The easy way to lose weight!

No, it's not a space diet, it's space flight:

For the first time in United States history, you are invited to experience Weightless Flight... the highest standards of safety, FAA approved activity offers everyone the chance to enjoy the fun and exhilarating dream of weightlessness, which is how astronauts have been trained by NASA for 40 years and how Tom Hanks floated in Apollo 13.

During a Weightless Flight you can experience what it's like to walk on Mars and the Moon and be weightless like you are in Earth orbit.

Weightless Flight (also known as Parabolic Flight) is achieved aboard ZERO-G’s Boeing 727 aircraft named G-FORCE ONE™. Weightlessness is achieved by flying G-FORCE ONE™ through a parabolic flight maneuver.  Specially trained pilots fly these maneuvers between approximately 24,000 and 34,000 feet altitude. Each parabola takes 10 miles of airspace to perform and lasts approximately one minute from start to finish. -- ZERO-G Experience

For more info about NO-GRAVITY flight, visit their web site, or download their brochure.

If you're ready to float in space now, then call: 1-888-NO-GRAVITY

[Photos and text: Copyright The Zero Gravity Corporation 2004]

"Ye shall know me by my smell... "

[Image from joinmycult.org]

I haven't read the book 'Join My Cult' yet, but the spooky ad image - a child mesmerized by a glowing TV set - caught my attention, convincing me further that we must be going through another, more intense, loathing, fearing and mistrusting television phase in our country, especially in light of horror flicks like "The Ring," nasty political spots and the FCC's new, overblown censorship policy. Maybe, it's a plot by the Feds and the HDTV industry, who are positioned to replace our fuzzy 20th century TV sets in 2006, with clear, crisp and realistic 21st century monitors. The question is will high-definition force the media to be just as crisp, clear and realistic (read honest) in its future reportage?

'Join My Cult' is a collaborative novel written by several co-authors, lead by the mysterious Agent 139. It took almost a decade to complete.

Did I read Join My Cult? Or was it just a strange and wonderful dream? James Curcio has created a lunatic narrative that haunts and teases with the promise of revelations to come. Open this book only if you are prepared for a reality-wrenching journey into the secrets of the Invisible Masters.

-- Philip H. Farber, FutureRitual

"JMC reads like a stroboscopic MTV docu-drama of Ulysses and Illuminatus!"

-- Peter Carroll, author of PsyberMagick

James Curcio has one hand on Pandora's box and the key to open it in the other. Join My Cult is an invitation to chaos, treading the thinly veiled landscape between madness and genius. Once you make the trip, there is no turning back.

-- Devon White, Synergy Media Network & LIAR magazine

Click to visit the Join My Cult web site.

[Title quote from Join My Cult, Mother Hive Brain Document 11: Frater Gazebo]

[Join My Cult ©2002 James Curcio]

Carnival of Art

[Carnival of Harlequin, Joan Miró, 1924-25]

"The spectacle of the sky overwhelms me. I'm overwhelmed when I see, in an immense sky, the crescent of the moon, or the sun. There, in my pictures, tiny forms in huge empty spaces. Empty spaces, empty horizons, empty plains - everything which is bare has always greatly impressed me."

-- Joan Miró, 1958, quoted in Twentieth-Century Artists on Art

[generic carnival poster, unknown artist, circa late 20th century]

"I wanna go on the ferris wheel... and I want some cotton candy... I wanna coke... "

-- 8 year old boy, 2004, St. Christopher Church Carnival, West Covina, CA

Missing

Dateline: September, 17, 2004

This is about the kind of friend that always entertains, always brings a smile to my face. A friend that's always there, day after day, dependable, steady through thick and thin, and most importantly during the mundane moments. When other friends have drifted away, found other interests, and tired of my company, this friend remained loyal, always making me smile, teaching me new things, allowing my creativity to unfold, keeping me in line and even helping me stay in touch with other people in my life.

Then, this morning my friend disappeared. Or should I say, stopped communicating with me. I tried to make contact, but it was to no avail. My friend refused my attempts. I started to believe that my friend would be gone forever. In my darkest moments, I punished myself for being so paranoid. Until I woke up and realized that this friendship could be fixed. Everything will go back to normal, I told myself.

I decided to work at it, making a phone call to seek professional help. The voice on the line assured me that I would restore my lost connection, but that it would take time. I must be patient, my friend would ultimately return.

It was good advice. I took a nap. And lo and behold - my friend returned. Five hours later, my DSL service was restored. -- D. Orlando

[Via All The Grey in Between]

The cuter, the tastier

Mortadella with Calcium.

Leave it to the Germans to make a mortadella cold cut in the shape of cute teddy bears.

Google's translator indicates a variety of ingredients, including pig meat, bacon, drinking water, sugar and something called Truthahnfleisch that ominously would not translate.

For more info (German) you will click here: Fleischhof Rasting GmbH .

If you don't want to buy a foreign pig meat by-product, you can try creating your own edible cuties:


[Pepperoni Pets, by Jeff Becker and Do You Eat Dog?, by Frank W. Lee]

Visit The Edible Book Show and Tea for more unusual taste treats.

Happy Rosh Hashanah!

[Chassidim traveling to visit their Rebbe by Zalman Kleinman]

Discovering this artist for the first time was a revelation. Zalman Kleinman's work touched me in so many ways: I found it fascinating and peculiar; exotic, yet familiar; shockingly new; funny without any cruelty; both primitive and sophisticated; and most of all, touchingly human. Enjoy... and have a Happy Rosh Hashanah!

The Art of Zalman Kleinman

Zalman Kleinman was a Chassidic artist living in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, New York. Unlike many other current Chassidic artists, who come from a Baaley Teshuva [baalei teshuva] background, Zalman came from a family that has been with Chabad for many generations. He was a self-taught artist... who embodied the true menchlichkeit and quiet sincerity of an elder Chabadnik. His artwork is stunning in its ability to be both life-like and 3 Dimensional.

-- Yechezkal-Shimon Gutfreund, gallery director

[He seems to be a meshugana by Zalman Kleinman]


[Pursuit by the Angel of Death (Malach HaMovet) by Zalman Kleinman]


[A Night-time Wedding by Zalman Kleinman]

Click to view more of the incredible art of Zalman Kleinman.

[All art from A Chabad Art and Picture Gallery]

A tip o' the hat to Hatlo

As a kid I loved reading Jimmy Hatlo's "They'll Do It Every Time." Much of it was about adult foibles I didn't understand, but his drawings and his varied characters always caught my attention. I also found it funny that he continued to use his famous "a tip o' the Hatlo hat" tag well into the hatless era of the late 50s and early 60s. I never wore a hat, but I find myself using his tag on many occasions. Here's a tip o' the hat to Hatlo:

James Hatlo was a sports cartoonist at The San Francisco Call-Bulletin. He had to draw a cartoon when a package of cartoons from the syndicate failed to arrive. He chose the little ironies of everyday life as his topic. The first 'They'll Do It Every Time' appeared on 5 February, 1929. For seven years, Jimmy Hatlo did the comics series for just that one paper. In 1936, King Features Syndicate gave it national distribution. It was an immediate hit.

Read more about Jimmy Hatlo.



I stand corrected. Above is a later example of Hatlo without his "tip of the hat" - maybe he stopped wearing hats.



Many of Hatlo's strips were published in comic book form later in his life.
I don't recall seeing any of these books, but I do remember reading his Little Iodine series (based on his daughter).



[Artwork © 1963 James Hatlo]

[Images via lambiek.net, rocketjones.mu.nu and 3900club.com]

Tiki Art for the 21st Century

[The Hula Girl and Her Admirers by Thorsten Hasenkamm]

Experiencing the tiki passion is more than Hawaiian shirts, hula girls and fruity cocktails with colorful umbrellas; it goes a lot deeper than that. The craze began in the U.S. during the 1930s after Americans traveled and brought back tiki gods and mugs, rattan furniture, artwork and other souvenirs from the South Pacific. Servicemen stationed in Hawaii and other Polynesian countries during World War II were enchanted by the island lifestyle and wanted to bring a piece of it back home with them.

--Sandra Carr, Orlando CityBeat, 8.11.04

Read more about the state of tiki culture today.

Tiki art is alive and well on the West Coast, too. As well it should be since the first Don the Beachcomber tiki bar and restaurant opened in Hollywood, California back in 1934.

Today, you can check out the latest in tiki art:

The Shooting Gallery
Tiki Art Now
Showing Sept. 14 to Oct. 9
Reception Friday Sept. 17, 7pm to 11pm

Tiki Art Now can also be viewed online.


[Hot Rod God lamp by David S. Krys]


[Never Interrupt a Dawn God's Feast by Tom Bagley]

Available soon: "Tiki Art Now" a new book by Otto von Stroheim,
Forward by Robert Williams.


[Cover design by Otto von Stroheim, Painting by Shag]

The book is co-Published by Last Gasp and The Shooting Gallery

Click for more details.

[Tiki art and book cover via The Shooting Gallery]

Mothman Festival

[Photo: Kevin Kelly/Point Pleasant Register]

"It's time again for the Mothman Festival! This weekend! Yeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipeee!" -- Roberta of WVa

The 3rd Annual Mothman Festival is taking place in downtown Point Pleasant, West Virginia on Saturday and Sunday September 18th and 19th. If you're lucky to attend, maybe the Mothman will pose for a photo with your kids.

The festival seems to have turned into a sort of early Halloween celebration; considering the horrific nature of what the local folks are celebrating, it makes sense:

For thirteen months the entire town of Point Pleasant, West Virginia was gripped by a dark terror that culminated in a tragedy that made headlines all over the world. This is a story that contains all the elements of a modern science fiction movie but every single word is true and fully documented...

Homes throughout the little towns were plagued with unearthly noises and ghostly manifestations while mysterious aerial lights traveled silently overhead seemingly on a regular schedule. Winged monsters and frightening apparitions terrified the population as automobiles stalled and telephones and TV sets ran amok. A Red Cross Bloodmobile filled with fresh blood was pursued along a darkened highway by a weird flying machine. Domestic animals were found slaughtered and mutilated in pastoral farm fields. Innocent people lived in surrealistic horror, haunted by the fearsome demonic "Bird" and besieged by legions of strange beings (some of which arrived in ordinary-looking automobiles).

-- John A. Keel, "The Mothman Prophecies"

Click to read about the Mothman Festival in Point Pleasant, West Virginia.

Dating go bragh

[Old Irish Couple, Gladys Reynell, c.1915, oil on canvas]

What a wonderful painting. I love the way the oil paint is pushed and scraped energetically all over the canvas, especially in contrast to the stolid nature of its content. The expression on the old man's face is classic, and says it all. We know who wears the pants in this relationship.

The Irish male continues to struggle. Read these recent personal ads in the Dublin News:

Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by long-time fiancée, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.

Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area, seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and starting fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.

Ginger haired Galway man, a trouble-maker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.

Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a lovely chest.

Devil-worshipper, Offaly area, seeks like-minded lady, for wining and dining, good conversation, dancing, romantic walks, and slaughtering cats in cemeteries at midnight under the flinty light of a pale moon.

Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.

Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin sister.

[Ads via email from Maureen of N. California.]

[Image from Art Gallery of South Australia, Adelaide]

Twin Towers

Source: Jan Knepper

Deng Xiao Bling-Bling

"To get rich is glorious" is the most popular wise saying in Communist Red China these days. Everyone thinks that Mao's successor Deng Xiaoping said it, but nobodys remembers when, where, or even if he did say it.

I wonder what Mao's rpm is? With his 'Giant Leap Forward' a distant memory, he must be spinning in his grave at high speed.

China is now the biggest market for BMW's top-of-the-line 760Li luxury sedan, which carries a price tag of close to $200,000, nearly double the cost in the United States. Wealthy tourists staying at Commune by the Great Wall are housed in villas designed by Asia's top architects, each with a private butler. Italian designer Giorgio Armani plans to open 20 to 30 new stores in China by 2008, joining other luxury brands rushing into the market.

And a country with a per capita annual income below $1,000 is minting millionaires at a rapid clip, with more than 236,000 by one count. -- LA Times, 9.09.04

Read the full LA Times story. [May require online subscription.]

Onomatopoeia!!!

A Dictionary of Comicbook Words on Historical Principles
Based on the Latest Conclusions of the Most Dubious Wordologists & Comprising Many Hundreds of New Words which Modern Literature, Science & Philosophy have Neglected to Acknowledge as True, Proper & Useful Terms & Which Have Never Before Been Published in Any Lexicon
Compiled & Edited Under the Careful Supervision of Kevin J. Taylor
This unique compendium would have come in handy while watching Batman on TV in the 60s. I looked up KAPOWIE and found the following variations:

KAPOW (Our Fighting Forces #111, 1968) The sound of a tank gun: (Ultraman vol.1 #2, 1994) The sound of a hit: also KAPOWW (Detective Comics vol.47 #529, 1983) The sound of an explosion: KAA-POW (Ultraman vol.1 #1, 1994) The sound of a gunshot.

Click Ka-BOOM! to look up the meaning and usage of your favorite comic book onomatopoetic exclamation, exhultation, expression, phrase, curse or word.

If you want to look up a sound effect try BZZURKK!

[Ka-BOOM! & BZZURKK! ©1997 Kevin Taylor]